Friday, August 26, 2011

Seitan Worshipper

Ok, clearly if you don't get that joke, you are not, have never, or never will be a vegetarian. :)
I made seitan tonight.  There's a reason we buy this stuff from the grocery store, friends... OMG IT'S A MESS!!!  Ok, if you don't like messes (like me - I'm getting better but I've still got that weird 'omg don't make a mess in my house' gene stuck deep in my - um, i dunno whatever) anyway this is a messy job, folks.. messy messy messy! (wasn't that the words of some Christmas cartoon character?)
the dough that gave me bulging biceps.

glutenous mass, washed.

All joking aside and mess aside, it was 'fairly' easy - if you don't care that you will WORK YOUR ARMS OFF!  Now I know why bread makers from the 18th century had muscles of steel.  I think I used more muscle kneading, squeezing and washing my dough to make it into gluten, than I ever have lifting a weight or two working out (save for that time I lifted 100lbs of pure steel on a weight bench) - but I'll not gloat - because I'm not 'a gluten for punishment'.. ahahahah hahah haha haaaa... ok, bad joke.
the brown vegan broth that makes "beef".

Anyway as I said - what a mess.  The dough is one thing, it's the washing of the stuff to create gluten which is the nasty part.   My once black tank top is now powdery and dusty, all the stuff on my sink was spattered with glutenous masses... just yickity yick all around.   The fun part about this was creating the broth that it cooks in to make it taste like the meat that it's supposed to be mimicking.  This particular half of my gluten is mimicking 'beef' so I made a beautiful brown broth, complete with a 'smokey' flavor and plenty of seasoning.. I even gave it the special 'black lava' sea salt - which is usually only reserved for reeeeealy special things.  I usually only use pink himalayan, but this was special enough for black lava.  MmMm.   I kept the other half of the gluten mass to create 'chicken' for the chicken and noodles I plan to make later in the season.
the 'beef' cooking!

I'm tellin you what though - as far as looking a bit like beef - it does, and it SMELLS divine in all sense of the word.  
finished, hand made,  'beef flavored' seitan!

This whole concept has me EXHAUSTED.   I am hoping it tastes like the seitan I purchase at the store and not some weird, chewy, "makes no sense why it's in here and tastes like crud" something or other in my stew.  Live and learn I guess.   It's time for me to go to bed!  Long day tomorrow.  Tomato juice making and bread making... oooh it never stops!  It's a good thing I'm busy.. if I wasn't, I'd be in trouble.  (I would! Doing what, I dunno I just know i'd be in trouble.)

Music Enjoyed while cooking AND writing this blog:  Goldfrapp - Head First - The whole album  --

Current Motivation: Every cow on it's way to the slaughterhouse, every calf who'll never see the light of day, and every bull who never knew any kindness....  this one's for you, kids.. if you don't think anyone loves you - know that there's one girl out there, trying to make it so that your ancestors don't have to go thru all of this horrible stuff.  <3

Current Craving:  Chocolate

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