Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Crabs are cheesy lil things..

who me?  i did nothin!
Crabs.. they're sneaky, they're cheesy, they're sometimes cute - but a whole lotta trouble.
I speak from experience, people..   If you're not a crab yourself, do not get involved with a crab.
(Here's where you say - "what the crud are you talking about? A crab is a pinchy sea spider, why would I be involved with a crab?!")
Clearly, I do mean anyone born under the astrological sign 'Cancer' but if you're weird enough to get involved with a REAL crab..(in the immortal words of my buddy Laura D-C) "I,  I can't help you."

It is said, unless you are a scorpio (another fellow strange pinchy thing) or a Pisces (a sea dweller - aka fish) you are not compatible with a Cancer..  now, this is not to say you can't be friends with one, but just don't get involved.. aka, stay away.. especially if you're an Aquarius like yours truly.  Just, don't put yourself through that, ok? ;)

Onto the real thing though.. people eat crab.   Oh yes, they do.   I have.  I'm an ex crab lover myself! (use that dialogue from my mouth with caution, please.)    I can remember the first time I'd ever eaten a crabs legs.. (the sea spider, not some crazy girl born under the sun-sign cancer, I'm not a cannibal like that).  I was very young.  My brother (who is also a Cancer crab himself) had gotten crab legs at none other than the famed Red Lobster food chain.
that's a troublesome bunch!

It is to my remebering that we were visiting the Beighles, in the wiley wiles of the west side of Cincy, long before we moved from C-U Illinois.   I recall wanting to try his crab-legs, (I was always the tryer of the bunch) and he was more than willing to let his baby sister have a bite.   He also (probably thought it was funny) gave me the 'claw' to attempt - which of course I couldn't - I was VERY young, remember?  So I played with it, like any little kid would.  I recall some girlfriend of the bunch (probably in her 20's) talking about how 'cute' I was with my claw.  (barf) lol.   Anyway - after that I was HOOKED.  Like a fish on a line, peeps - i was HOOKED on CRAB!  However, as I got older and took a liking to alfredo sauce - I discovered that Red Lobster had a 'Crab Alfredo' dish.  OMG how could one go wrong with this AT ALL?    (for the record, they can't!)

Several lbs lost later from all that alfredo sauce - I decided to veganize fettucine alfredo - which I've done successfully.  However - what I have NOT done successfully yet though - is veganizing CRAB alfredo.
So, here goes this one.

My basis here is Red Lobster's crab linguine alfredo.  Here's the small issue though.  Even though about a month ago I saw 'fake vegan' crab at Jungle Jims.. I've failed to ever see it again!  So, IF JJ does not have it this week - yours truly gets to really get messy and attempt to recreate that sweet meat inside of those hollow looking legs of a crabby crab. 
That - will be where the real difficulty lies.  !!

So let's name this wildly possible difficult food-task.  
How about 'Un-Cheesy Crabless Alfredoish'  Do I sound ishyless? (Oh good lord.. sorry, I just had an inside joke moment, where the only inside person who would get it, would be me and another crab - gah.)  We'll  move on.

Let's do some numbers!

Red Lobster Crab Alfredo                                  Uncheesy Crabless Alfredoish
1 Cup                                                                          1 cup

Calories - 1120                                                         183
Fat - 50g                                                                   2.5g
Cholesterol -   45mg                                                  0mg
Sodium - 3650mg                                                      218mg
Carbs -  95g                                                             15g
Protien - 74g                                                             10g
Fiber -   0 g                                                                3g
WW Points - 30                                                         3

Ohh my heavens to the lord of calories and fat!  Well then, this is why Sebastian sings in his shell, still..  good ol' Ariel, I bet she's a vegan - which is why she's not tried to coat his legs in cheese and noodles, then eat him. This is why she's so slim and trim, plus all that swimming! ;)

"Down here all the fish is happy / As off to the waves they roll / The fish on the land ain't happy / They sad 'cause they in the bowl / But fish in the bowl is lucky / They in for a worser fate / One day when the boss get hungry..."  (Wanna finish that?)
"darlin' it's better down where it's wetter take it from me!"

(Disclaimer - this is not to offend any crabs out there!  Why, my baby-Lotus is a crab, and I love her dearly.. in fact I may have loved too many crabs dearly.. but they're bad for me, just like meat.  However, they might be a great fit for you - or if you are one.. i'd bet you're a lovely person - which would explain why I'm attracted to you pinchy pinchy people.)  xo!

Let's get this crab on the road

Music enjoyed while writing this blog-
Soarin - full movie
(Beautiful show - fun ride - go check it out if you've yet to!)

Current Motivation - Uncrabbing the crabs out there!

Current Craving - Nope.  That is all.

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